the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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