a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
