are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
