Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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