I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
