I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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