I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
