yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
