the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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