I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
