so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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