Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
