nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
