Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
