Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize