i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
