Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That accounts for only three of the penises
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
