i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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