hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do vagina's smell?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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