Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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