Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize