i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
