Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
