you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize