Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
