weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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