I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
