Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
