the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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