I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
