Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
