My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize