my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
