They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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