we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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