The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
