i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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