FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
