There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
