The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
