I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
