she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
