He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
