I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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