Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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