Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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