I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
