she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sext me about skeletons
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
