You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize