i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
