I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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