I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
