I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want her autograph on my taint
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
