how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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