We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
