At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
