I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
