I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
