I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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