the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
