The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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