once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
