Non-Jews are for practice
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
