roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
