I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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