I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
