are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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