sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
