Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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