I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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