theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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