I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
