There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize