In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
