I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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