I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I lost the right to judge tonight
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
