Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
