pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
