her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
