Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
