is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
