the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We have so much sex to catch up on
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
