the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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