i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
